Monday, June 9, 2008

Speaking of helmets

I bought a bike helmet and it came with a 17-page "owner's manual." Nine of those pages are just the same thing repeated in French, which leaves us eight pages.

This seems useless. Anyone who actually needs eight pages of small printed type to tell them how to use a bike helmet probably won't have much use for a manual. If you can't figure out, just by looking, that the top part of your head goes in the bowl-shaped part of the helmet and the black things go around your chin, you're not going to figure out that those little black shapes on the page each make a sound and when you put the sounds together in a row, they make words.

Here are some of the important things from the manual:

"A helmet protects only what it covers. It does not protect the neck or any areas of the head that it does not cover."

But what about my torso, hands, legs, and financial investments? Will it protect them?

"Parents: a helmet is NOT a toy. DO NOT allow your children to play with it. They can accidentally damage it or hurt themselves."

While you're at it, DO NOT let them play with toys either. They could accidentally damage them or hurt themselves. Toys are NOT a toy.

"Pretend you're invisible. Don't assume automobile drivers can see you."

I like it. My hope is that this leads to a sudden increase in the number of incidents of naked bicyclists being arrested for naked bicycling.


Kelly G said...

Dear Mr. Felix: I have this exact helmet and for about 12 months could not figure out how to use it. Until I completed the entire 17 pages of the manual, I was using it as a flotation device to bring my pet rats to safety. It is very impotent that some people read the whole manual before beginning helmet. Please be more considerate of those of us who are more challenged in the wearing of helmlets.

Meggers said...

Devin you crack me up! I'm pleased you have a blog because, well, I am. So there you have it. I'll be seeing you on the 26th right???? You had BETTER be there!!!